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Savera R Someshwar

The shriek of the alarm clock. A groggy four-and-a-half year old is bundled out of bed, zipped into the bathroom for a quick session with the toothbrush, hustled to the front room where a glass of milk is awaiting her before she rushed into the school bus that

Habib and Zereh Lalji

is honking impatiently at the gate. All this in a bare 15 minutes, and much before the little one has even had time to open her eyes properly. She'd even had a bath the previous night, because it saves time in the morning.

Once nursery school ends, she knows she has to go to a crèche where she will be picked by the maid at 7.30. Only to be plonked in front of the television until the maid prepares her dinner and it's time for bed. She does not know when her parents, both successful journalists, will reach home at night. At times, their jobs demand their respective presence at the office… and then, the maid spends the night with the child.

"It's cruel to have only one child," sighs her father Joseph Isa. "But what can we do under the circumstances? We find it difficult to give our only child the time that she needs -- how on earth will we cope with a second child?"

It's a question more and more parents are asking themselves. As they dangle between a career and home, between the next promotion and a child who waits longingly for the half hour that her parent can steal for her.

"At first," says Alpana Chowdhury, the mother of a 11-year-old daughter, "I thought I would be able to manage. I would watch women resume their jobs within weeks of delivering a child and think to myself, 'If they can manage, I'm sure I can.' But having a baby is not like buying a toy. You have this new person in your life and, for the next few years at least, you have to lead your life according it the dictates of this little child."

Neha Chinai

Alpana employed a full-time bai (maid) to look after the child as she resumed her job at the now-defunct Evening News. But it was a heartrending time for her; she could not breastfeed her baby regularly, she did not know whether the maid was looking after her daughter properly and -- what was worse -- it was obvious how much the child missed her.

"She would be eagerly waiting for me when I returned home. And when she learnt to crawl, she'd wriggle to the door as fast as she could and wrap her arms around my legs. When I couldn't take it anymore, I just quit my job."

But Alpana was not the quintessential homemaker. She knew if she did not pursue a job, she would soon climb the walls and become "the crabbiest person in the world to boot. That would affect my daughter adversely; having a crabby mother, even if she is at home all the time, is not the best thing for a child."

Alpana, who now freelances as a journalist, has managed to find a workable solution to her dilemma. Her daughter was a planned baby, Alpana and her huusband Anil Khanna had delayed having a child until they had a permanent roof over her head. "I did not want my child to face the insecurity that comes from having to move from place to place every 11 months."

With the proliferation of the nuclear family unit in the cities, more and more couples -- especially those who want to have a family -- are finding themselves trapped in a vicious circle. As their hearts and their minds wrangle for the top slot in their lives. Procreation is an intense biological and emotional need; double income families, a practical one.

The Joshis

With no family of any kind to speak of -- many have come to the city to make a career for themselves; others have had no time to maintain and nurture family relationships -- they find themselves in a bit of a spot when a child -- even a planned one -- is born. And many couples cite this lack of familial support as a reason for limiting their families to only one child. But others, like Debashis Banerjee did have their bloodkin around them. And yet, even they found that they could not consider having more than one child.

"Now that my son is almost five, both wife and I have been giving serious thought to having a second child," says Debashis. "But that's just wishful thinking; we know we just can't afford to have another child. I am too involved in my career. And my wife, who has put her career on hold for the sake of her son, would like to get back to work."

In most families, it is the woman who has sacrificed a career -- or at least put it on hold -- to look after the child in the early years. Yet, by this stage, most of them are aware of their professional potential and find it hard to give up that feeling of financial independence. It becomes a battle between self and a feeling of responsibility towards the child. The latter does win in many cases. But leaves the woman with a feeling of frustration, as her husband's career takes precedence over home and hearth.

"My husband," says Alpana, "is almost a Sunday father now. It is pretty frustrating to have to do everything on your own. And to find, that if your appointment clashes with

The Xaviers

that of your husband's, you are the one who is supposed to reschedule. Under the circumstances, I just don't think I could manage another child."

Besides, having a child can be an expensive proposition. "Look at it this way," says Juney Xavier, whose daughter Alisha is about nine years old. "Today, one tin of Nestum costs around Rs 150. Taking it from there, you can imagine how much money you need to have in the bank before you have a child. And if you want to have a second one, you not only need to plan for it but you have to keep in mind the elder child and plan for his/her needs too."

"Basically, I'm selfish. I don't want to give up my club membership, or curtail on my style of living. I guess that is why I don't want to have another child," says Debashis, frankly.

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