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Are you lonesome tonight?

Suparn Verma

It's Saturday night!

It's party time!

The thought brings a smile to your face, and you immediately start planning your evening with your loved one, or, at least, the one you think you love.

Let's switch to reality...

It's Saturday night!

It's party time!

The thought wipes the smile from your face, and you start work on the excuses you need to avoid your friends. Especially those of the couple variety, who have invited you to join them this evening with your loved one… excuse me, that meant none.

But you gotta party; all said and done, it is Saturday night! It is the end of the week's drudgery, so you make your way to a trendy pub.

"No seats, sir," a cultured voice stops you at the door. A tenner changes hands and, suddenly, out-of-nowhere, there actually is an empty table. You can even glimpse yourself in the huge tinted mirror behind the bar.

The music, which was a noiseless babble while you waited outside, gains a new meaning. You get into the groove and put on your best smile as you settle in your chair. Your eyes glaze over in an induced state of happiness. You are now a crucial part of the proceedings in the pub.

The crowd comprises a whole spectrum of age groups, though you sorely miss the presence of girls spread evenly around the room. Instead, there are bunches of men and litters of women; the men stealing second-by-second glances but trying hard to look disinterested. The girls glance coyly at the Mario Miranda murals.

The Great Mating Ritual is in full swing. Meaningful looks, sly glances, coquettish smiles, loud devil-may-care laughter, brief brushes of bodies as they pass each other, drinks, drugs and drunks... It's just another Satur-night.

And there is not a single couple in the house. Instead, there are groups of college kids, professionals out to relax, girls doing their own thing and friends catching up. Not an uncommon picture these days, considering the newly emerging singles scene. Which has yet to fit in with the much hyped couples culture, being assiduously promoted by the media.

Amrita Shah, editor, Elle (India), has been following this nascent trend with great interest, "Now that homosexuality is an accepted social fact, being single by choice -- not to be confused with being unmarried -- will be the next step in popular culture."

It's not tough being single, if you are left to your own devices. But when this whole bunch of guys and girls -- who constitute your so-called friends -- are hell-bent on getting you hooked, either to the latest bike or the nearest girl, it does send you on a thoughtful trip.

And you wonder why you stick out when you're part of a group that's mainly couples! Could be because most public places where you can hang out and party require you to be accompanied by a member the opposite sex. Because every magazine you pick revolves around the assumption that you have someone in your life. Because every film propagates the importance of a mate. Because, if you are a single guy with a different set of priorities, you are looked upon as gay (not to be confused with happy).

Though Shah does not admit Elle fits the bill, she agrees that the media veers its focus on a couples-oriented market. "As responsible editors, we don't look at the market and then come out with articles; it is more of understanding society and writing about it."

Today's world is driven by ambition; by a quest to be someone, to achieve something of consequence. Resultantly, there is a tendency to socialise in groups -- be it bars, pubs or parties. Leaving people with little time to develop an intimate relationship with someone who might be a potential companion.

Sudha Nair, communications head, Channel [V], agrees, "It's tough having a relationship these days; there's so much pressure at work and at home. Your friends demand your attention, too. You just can't cuddle with the phone, whispering "I love you" all the time. You also need space for yourself. I am quite happy when my boyfriend is out of town. It gives me space for myself."

Which is also the reason 23-year-old Zenobia, a designer, is currently single by choice. "The equation changes when you are with someone. There is an unnecessary significance attached to every action you take, the emotional and mental pressure increases, everything suddenly becomes a bit too much. Unlike your friends, you can't take this other person for granted. And there are a lot of expectations."

Expectations? Somehow, one thought relationships were based on a give-and-take equation; one never really measured it quantitatively. Today, though, we live in a goal-oriented society, the dictum being you are as successful as your last success. So, even in a relationship, you create facades -- they are your escape route. And you can run away from everything except the expectations. As expectations increase, not just in this, but in every sphere of life, there remains very little space to nurture a relationship.

Sudhir Mahadevan, 22, is on his way to New York to study films. And it is this, and his other priorities in life, that have kept him single. "I believe one has to priorities in life. At this point, I just cannot have a girlfriend, though I do go out a lot with friends of both sexes."

Despite his emphatic assurances, Mahadevan is still under pressure to conform. "Since I am unattached, my sexual preferences are looked upon with suspicion." One of his friends thought he was homosexual since he did not make a pass at her.

Popular culture is undergoing a definite change. The public consciousness is slowly accepting the notion of homosexuality. And today's elitist culture has, by taking up its cause, given validity to its existence. The pendulum has, in factm swung to the other extreme to the extent that, today, if someone asks you if you are single, you cannot answer them in the affirmative without facing raised eyebrows.

As a result of the clever promotion of Western culture in the last decade, it has entered the consciousness of the youth at a very primary level. Dances, fairs, get-togethers, rose and chocolate are part and parcel of every college student's existence. School libraries stock Enid Blyton, Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew and Archie. In all of which, the concepts of boyfriend/girlfriend is strongly ingrained.

Likewise, greeting cards. There are cards for every occasion, every moment, every feeling. And the most popular ones are those that say "I love you" in a thousand different ways.

Yet, students don't feel the pressure as much. "Why would I want to get tied down to one person," asks Salil Murthy, a second year degree college student, "when I have such a wide range to choose from? I have girlfriends, but there is no one I am romantically inclined towards. I don't even feel the need; after all, I can have close friendships with many people without committing myself to any one person. Sometimes, I do look at couples get a I-wish feeling but, otherwise, I find it to be too much of an hassle."

Salil's attitude may sound typical for his age. But what about his social life after he passes out of college? A confused expression appears on his face before he utters the perennial words of wisdom, "We'll see about that, when it comes to it."

Crystal Dias, accounts manager at a public relations firm, laughs, "College was a major fishing ground. You just drifted peacefully... and there were all those extracurricular activities that kept you in the social mainframe. It's different when you're working. The guys I meet here just aren't my type. And I do go out on dates, but make it very clear that there's nothing more than a social evening to the whole thing. Right now, I am not really looking for a relationship; I am not ready for that kind of pressure. I'd only be interested in one, if my boyfriend can accommodate both my job and my friends."

Sharad, 24, is deep into his fifth 'serious' relationship. "I don't plan on getting married, man! One gets bored after sometime and I'd rather go out, meet different people, experience life. Yet, I'm not the kind who's happy without a girlfriend. With the kind of lifestyle, I lead I need someone to go out with."

And there goes the first litmus test in any relationship -- commitment. Today, the only commitment is towards one's self and one's career. We tend to plan our career, to chart a path to that peak we wish to attain. And, most time, we tend to view a relationship from the same angle -- how will it help us towads that elusive peak?

The difference, now is that society has become far more accepting. The equation in modern relationships between two consenting adults revolves around the self and other priorities.

It is this emerging consciousness of one's individuality that has led goal-oriented professionals to achieve the kind of rapid success that was unthinkable a decade ago. As deadlines get stiffer and competition fiercer, our sacrifices at the altar of career and ambition get heavier. We sacrifice that most essential part of being a human being -- we sacrifice the need for companionship.

Instead, we opt for a new kind of relationship, one that involves fewer commitments, lesser pressure and rare periods of togetherness. Instead, one's seen at the right places with the right people, talking about everything and not saying anything. This is the new social order. Fickle friends leave a bad taste, but that easily be washed off with a dash of salt and a shot of tequila.

A group of seven men enter the pub, their images reflecting on the tinted mirror, meshing with the crowd etched on it. They too become part of the whole, the distorted image fills in the gaps between the tables and the vast emptiness between the attitudes. A group of young men and women gather around a table, laughing hard, hard enough to merge with the mass around them, laughing hard enough to forget.

Forget that someone just poured his heart out to you. That you just heard something precious. Forget how lonely you were until you started to laugh. Forget how unwanted you felt until the boy across the table flashed his most winning smile, before his girlfriend walked back. Forget that, tomorrow morning, this night will be just another brightly colored dream. Until next Saturday comes along.

The frothing mugs clink, the juke box plays a new song, a loud cheer goes up. The girl across the table steals a fleeting glimpse at a guy, he brushes a nonchalant hand across his hair. A light flickers in the corner table, a guy with a stud in his ear takes a deep drag from his cigarette, shaking his head at the girls on the next table.

The smoke billows from lighted sticks, the games go on, the music plays, each note taking us deeper into the night. A fellow lifts up his mug in good cheer and bellows, "Life is an endless party, man! Enjoy!"

Cheers!

Illustrations: Dominic Xavier

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