Ashish Magotra

If the word impossible didn't exist in you dictionary, it will once you watch Ittefaq.

And those with a keen interest in geography might get an eyeful, discovering India through the eyes of the makers of Ittefaq.

This is how the story runs: Village dreamer Vikram (Mukul Dev), heads for Bombay with his mother's blessings. His stay in Bombay proves to be short but eventful.

Vikram is the sole eyewitness to the murder of a police officer. The officer tracks down a thug (Ashok Saraf), who stole a disk containing vital information about a successful missile test. In his last moments, the officer hands the disk over to Vikram, requesting him to deliver it to the cops.

Vikram, for no apparent reason, then decides to head for his village.

But somewhere on the way, he gets lost and ends up in Khadki, in the company of a petty thief. Here, he meets Roshni (Pooja Batra), whom he had met in Bombay. They promptly fall in love and want to get married.

Ex-cop-turned henchman Shiva (Sunil Shetty) is called in to locate the dreamer. He agrees, but for a price.

Here's when the audience is shuttled between Bombay and Khadki at such speed that you end up jet lagged. Finally, Shetty turns over a new leaf and helps make a hero of Vikram.

Good triumphs over evil. Everybody lives happily ever after. What a plot.

Why would anyone in his senses want to make a film such as this one is the one uppermost in your mind.

What is this film? An action-thriller, a comedy, a love-story, a drama?

Whatever it is, it fails on all counts.

Now for all you geography fans. Did you know there were cannibals and gorillas in the hills around Khadki? What's more, the cannibals love Pepsi, too. It's got to be said: Director Sanjay Khanna certainly has a vivid imagination.

Dilip Sen and Sameer Sen, the music directors, have come up with a totally uninspired score, in tune with the mediocrity of the film. The songs are placed at the most inopportune moments.

You wonder why Sunil Shetty (voice sounding very gruff) decided to act in this film -- he's totally wasted.

Pooja Batra and Anupama Verma are seen only during the song and dance sequences.

Mukul Dev in the lead is a farce.

So it happens that I wonder why Ittefaq se, the cinema hall was absolutely empty.