May I wear my shoes to the match?

I'm wondering.

And what I am wondering is – I'd like to go see some of these ICC Champions Trophy matches, but I am not sure just what the procedure is. I'm not sure what I am allowed to do, and what I am not.

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Am I allowed to walk into the stadium and watch an ICC Champions Trophy match? Or will I be arrested if I try?

My confusion stems from a statement by ICC chief executive Malcolm Speed, that runs thus: "It is the absolute intention of the ICC to stop organizations ambushing the Champions Trophy.

"We will ruthlessly ensure that this does not take place by guarding against products being taken into the ground with the intention of creating exposure or profile to the detriment of our global sponsors [LG, Pepsi, Hutch and Hero Honda].

"This is important from both a safety and security point of view, as well as in being able to protect the millions of pounds investment that the sport's commercial partners make to allow these events to take place."

Excuse me? What precisely is the 'safety and security' point of view that applies if I wear Nike or K-Swiss tracks to the ground? Sorry, Mr Speed, that 'safety and security' doesn't even pass the giggle test, let alone the ones logic and common sense subject it to.

As for the 'taking products into the ground with the intention of creating exposure or profile' bit – what exactly does that mean? Is it the ICC's contention that I wear my Nike tracks just so the television cameras can focus on that and thereby undercut the official sponsor, Adidas? I mean, given how the field has been loaded with minnows, much of the action thus far has been singularly unexciting – but even so, the ICC does not imagine that bored cameramen are going to be focusing on my footwear?

You intend to check my picnic hamper to make sure my soft drink conforms to your marketing plans?

I wear, and use, these products because I prefer them; because I have used them for years. You now say they are verboten? And you now want me to either go shoeless, or spend good money buying footwear from your 'official sponsor', just so I can get into a stadium? I either leave my cell phone at home, or buy a politically correct one?

Excuse me – do you have any official sandwich? Chips? Water bottle?

I mean, do I have to drink only Aquafina, or can I sip Perrier? Do you have an official jeans manufacturer, while we are on the subject? You see, I don't want to get to the ground and have your gestapo tell me Levi's are forbidden, and I have to take them off.

I am not a cricketer. Nor a 'celebrity'. I am not even an ordinary patron, let alone 'patron-in-chief' (I really must tell President George Bush about this trick – if he is in danger of losing the election, or even if he wins it and realizes that four years from now he will have to give up his post, no worries; all he has to do is create a new post, 'patron-in-chief of the United States', and there you go, you can cling on to power till death does you part), of the BCCI or any other cricketing body.

Given that, there is no earthly reason why your cameras would need to focus on me; no reason in the world why my clothes or shoes or underwear or brand of chips is anyone's business but my own. So just where do you get off, telling me what I can bring/wear to the ground, and what I cannot?

The ICC in its wisdom believes it owns the sport, and all those who play it or otherwise make a living by it – but since when did the ICC own us, the fans? And – now this is what seriously puzzles me – how come no one is making a fuss about it?

Anyone out there went for the matches? Would love to hear of your experiences in this connection.